Why Confucius advised not to tell anything about yourself

We are all familiar with the phrase from Hollywood films: “Everything said will be used against you.” We perceive this as a formal part of the arrest protocol, but it is not. This short sentence contains a truth that can make life much easier for many of us. The Chinese philosopher Confucius believed that the less you say about yourself to others, the better.

We become convinced that language is our enemy even in childhood. Having admitted something, we often received not forgiveness and understanding, but a serious beating. In adult life, the consequences of incontinence can be the most serious and irreversible. By communicating something about ourselves to others, we run the risk of the words being misinterpreted and blowing the problem out of proportion.

This applies not only to strangers, but even to the closest friends. As bitter as it may be to admit, betrayal is not at all uncommon. That is why Jews teach their children a simple but important rule:

If everyone remembered this, then how many conflicts might not have happened! Even in ancient times, people knew that human strength lies in the ability to control one’s emotions. Strong-willed people can remain silent when they want to scream at the top of their lungs, and they know how not to respond with rudeness to outright rudeness.

No one can predict how another person will use the information provided to him. By saying too much, you risk putting weapons into the hands of the enemy, which sooner or later will turn against you. But controlling yourself in a conversation is not easy. Many even believe that frankness can win over another person.

British psychologists conducted a study and found that most people do not remember what they are told at all. They retain in memory only the impression of communication. To please your interlocutor, you shouldn’t talk a lot about yourself. It is quite enough to listen to him carefully, respond to the topic and sometimes encourage him with compliments.

But if you constantly talk about yourself, it can backfire. This is especially true if there are difficulties in your life and you want to share them. They will listen to you once, twice, a third time, most likely they will sympathize with you, but then they will begin to avoid you. Nobody needs other people's problems, everyone has enough of their own. And every person, even the kindest and most considerate, has a limit to patience.

You shouldn't tell people a lot about yourself. If you share your plans, you may be ridiculed; if you share your fears, you may be called paranoid. If you reveal your dream, they will devalue it, and if it comes true, they will become jealous. At the same time, if you criticize something in a conversation with others or give good advice, then they may be offended.

Through our communication with people we create a self-presentation. Our stories form an opinion about us and it is very difficult to change it later. Many people use this. They complain to gain pity or, conversely, brag and lie to look more successful. We depend on other people's opinions and this is bad.

The ancient philosopher Seneca said:

Many will agree with this, but it is difficult to find a person who follows this wisdom. Self-esteem is too often associated with other people's opinions, which is why there is so much pathos and show-off around. The Chinese sage Confucius, who lived in the 5th century BC, gave his disciples the following instruction:

It seems that this is a rule that, if followed, can avoid many problems. Well, if you absolutely need to talk it out, then it’s best to contact a professional psychologist. By the way, he will also help you find a solution to the problem.