35 ironic, but wise quotes about respect from famous people

Sing love grandiloquent pentameter is, of course, great, but sometimes too corny. Recall messing with human relationships well-known actors, writers and comedians.

Love, as they say, complicated: here, you and butterflies in the stomach, and snoring of several tens of decibels, and cute little pranks, and sometimes outright war for the marital. In short, some ballads and romances it's a great feeling to describe — sometimes to absolutely not go crazy, without humor is simply not enough.

Fortunately, the famous people know this like no other, and we are ready to present you a selection of the most funny statements on marriage, sex, adultery, living together and other "charms" of relations between lovers.

Frame from the movie "seven year Itch"

"Love is the answer. But while you are waiting for it, sex can raise some pretty interesting questions". Woody Allen, Director.

"Everything my mother told me about sex is that the man should be on top and the woman underneath. Perhaps that is why the first three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds". Joan rivers, actress.

"So much nonsense invented about this physical love. In my opinion, the dentist and something nice". Evelyn Waugh, writer (from the novel "Vile flesh").

"Familiarity breeds contempt — and children." Mark TWAIN, writer.

"I don't know nothing about sex because I was always married." Zsa Zsa Gabor, an actress of old Hollywood.

"Sex: the pleasure momentary, the posture ridiculous, and the costs are enormous." Philip Dormer Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield.

Frame from the movie "How to steal a million"

"Archaeologists always the best men, because the older his wife gets, the more it shows interest in it". Agatha Christie, writer.

"Before you marry someone, see how he behaves in front of a computer with very slow Internet. The only way you will know who he really is". Will Ferrell, actor.

"I like being married. So good to find the one you're going to piss off the rest of my life." Rita Rudner, comedian.

"Marriage is like a Bank card. Enter, pull out and lose interest." Irwin Corey, American actor and public figure.

"I've recently learned that all penguins are monogamous. And it did not surprise me, because that's what they look like. I mean — doesn't look like that one day, one penguin will leave in search of more beautiful penguin". Ellen DeGeneres, actress and TV presenter.

"Many men fell in love with a dimple on her cheek, by mistake marrying the whole girl." Stephen Leacock, writer.

Frame from the film "In a jazz only girls"

"I don't care how rich he is — if only he had a yacht, a private railroad and a nominal toothpaste". Marilyn Monroe in the film "In a jazz only girls"

"All rejected lovers should have the right to a second attempt with someone else". Mae West, "the godmother of bare dresses," the actress, sex symbol of old Hollywood.

"Behind every great man is a woman at this time, rolls his eyes." Jim Carrey, actor.

"God gave man brains and a penis, but apparently, insufficient blood supply to simultaneously operate both". Robin Williams, actor.

Frame from the movie "Sweet life"

"Girls, I noticed one thing: all men who usually flirt with me and married to skinny". Sophie Tucker, singer.

"If not for women we would still lived in caves and ate raw meat. After all, we created a civilization only in order to impress our girlfriends". Orson Welles, Director.

"I have a little low self esteem — so every time I have sex, I fantasize that my place is someone else." Richard Lewis, the comedian.

"I don't understand why women want to get more of the same that there is in men. After all, women apart from anything else, there are men". Coco Chanel, fashion designer.

Frame from the movie "Breakfast at Tiffany's"

"In the morning I always bring my wife tea in my pajamas. I think she was grateful? No, she would prefer if I brought her a Cup of tea". Eric Mokam, comedian.

"A marriage is between two people who are always ready to swear that snores exceptionally another member of the Union." Terry Pratchett, writer.

"A good marriage can only be a blind woman and a deaf man". Michel de Montaigne, French writer, philosopher.

"My husband is the guy who will always say that you overdid the lipstick". Ogden Nash, the poet.

Frame from the film "let's Make love"

"I have not spoken with my wife over the years. Just didn't want to kill her." Rodney Dangerfield, American comedian.

"My quarrel with his wife resemble a rock concert. First, we present something new, and in the end will move to our greatest hits". Frank Skinner, writer.

"Marriage is a real challenge, because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers." Richard Pryor, actor.

Frame from the movie "Sweet life"

"Life should be two people, you have every right to lie to the police and your girlfriend". Jack Nicholson, actor.

"I have been happily married for four years out of ten possible". Mark Watson, a comedian.

"Bigamy is to have one wife more than they should. However, monogamy is the same." Oscar Wilde, writer.

"Don't believe couples who all my life go, keeping for hands, they're just afraid that if you release your hands you will kill each other." Groucho Marx, actor.

Frame from the film "the discreet charm of burjuazii"

"When another takes your wife, there is no better way to avenge him, to let him stay with her." Sacha Guitry, playwright.

"When a man offers the woman he loves to marry him is the best compliment he can give her. And the last." Helen Rowland, the writer, the journalist.

"Divorce is probably almost as old as marriage. Although I believe that marriage is some weeks old." Voltaire, writer, philosopher.