How did ancient hetaeras live and who wrote them textbooks on seduction?

There are many legends about the ancient Greek hetaeras. These controversial ladies are no less famous than ancient gods and heroes. Some consider them simply elite prostitutes, while others are sure that these are the most educated and progressive women of that time. The orator Demosthenes once said that “Hetaeras are needed for joy!” So how did ancient hetaeras bring joy to men and how did they learn their art?

From ancient Greek the word “hetera” is translated as “girlfriend.” Unlike married women, who lived in strictness and spent their days at home, taking care of the house and children, hetaeras led a free lifestyle. They were well educated and versed in philosophy, art, poetry and music. In most cases, their intellectual development was not inferior to that of men, and sometimes even surpassed it.

Calling hetaeras prostitutes is not entirely correct. They occupied a higher level of the social ladder. Unlike women from brothels, hetaeras were respected in society. These ladies had the right to choose their own men and stay with those they loved. Politicians, writers and philosophers often consulted them.

Yes, corrupt love was an integral part of the life of a hetaera. But a night with her cost the client 1000 drachmas, while the prostitute was paid only 1-2 drachmas. That is, only wealthy men could use the services of hetaeras. They paid not only for the opportunity to have an intelligent lady who carefully looked after herself. Hetaeras mastered the art of seduction and knew many techniques to bring pleasure to their partner.

Often hetaeras became someone's muses and even wives. The wife of the Athenian commander Pericles was the hetaera Aspasia. She helped her husband with advice on important matters and even prepared speeches for performances. There are cases when such women received the highest status. For example, the Byzantine Empress Theodora was a heterosexual before her marriage. The famous Thais of Athens, a friend of Alexander the Great, after his death became the wife of the king of Egypt, Ptolemy I.

The sculptor Praxiteles, when creating his Aphrodite, used the hetera Phryne as a model. They even tried to accuse him of blasphemy. But Phryne exposed herself before the court, and everyone present admitted that the master had chosen the ideal model. The same Phryne was so expensive for men that one of her admirers, the king of Lydia, had to raise taxes in the country in order to pay off the beauty.

They didn't suddenly become heterosexuals. Usually a girl was prepared for this from a very young age, taught science, art and the wisdom of love. For this, there were special manuals that had to be carefully studied. These were different works concerning certain aspects of the life of hetaeras. For example, “Table Rules” told how to behave correctly during symposia - ritual feasts. Participation in such feasts was an integral part of the hetaera business.

Hetaeras not only accompanied men to such events. They also conducted them at home and this required serious approach and training. The author of one of the manuals was the hetera Gnafen. She wrote essays based on her own experiences and the texts of philosophers describing symposiums for pundits and students.

The Greek author Xenophon says that the mentor of another hetaera, Theodota, was Socrates himself. The philosopher gave the woman advice on seducing men. He compared seduction to hunting hares and recommended carefully monitoring the client’s condition. Socrates said that someone who is caring and friendly should be received with joy, but someone who is arrogant and rude should not be allowed into the door.

According to the philosopher, you shouldn’t be too demanding so as not to burden the man. At the same time, you need to share the client’s joys and sorrows in order to win him over as much as possible. But the main thing was to control male desire. Intimacy should only be initiated at the right moment. There is a quote from a sage about this:

Simply put, hetaera were taught the art of evasive seduction. They brought the man to the limit of desire and only then gave in to him. It was a mixture of psychological manipulation and skillful seduction. This ingenious science allowed hetaeras to significantly surpass ordinary women in terms of sexual attractiveness.

In addition to Socrates, who seemed to understand everything, there were other authors who taught hetaeras the skill of interacting with men. The work of the hetaera Philenidas from the island of Samos, who lived in the 4th–3rd centuries BC, enjoyed great authority. It was called “On the Methods of Seduction” and could be considered the ancient Greek analogue of the Kama Sutra.

Many considered this work indecent, and the author was called a “shameless writer.” Nevertheless, the manual was very popular among hetaeras. Unfortunately, Philenidas’ textbook has not reached us, so we cannot evaluate its contents, and we have to take the word of the ancient champions of morality.