"When Lulu was born, my wife Carla disappeared": how to develop paternal feelings

Photographer Phillip Toledano (Phillip Toledano) first became a father when he was forty years old. Let's face it: children do not show any interest of his life, nor the main goal. He experienced mixed feelings when the light appeared his daughter Lulu.

He overcame the hard way fear of a small man, to unconditional, all-consuming love. And took this very candid photo project.

When you have a girlfriend, ask: "When are you getting married?" And here you are getting married. Now everyone is asking: "When you have a child?" And here comes the child. And again I ask: "When are you gonna have another?"

I was in the delivery room and saw Lulu was born. I had a strange feeling: I became a father? Covered me in that moment a wave of love? I'm not sure.

To the question if I like to be a father, others expect only one answer. When I said no, they discontentedly frowned.

When Lulu was born, my wife Carla was gone.

I missed us. For the two of us.

I replaced here on the alien.

Restful sleep for the next three years is also canceled.

All, that was Lulu, it was completely incomprehensible. As in a documentary about wildlife.

I was very happy when I heard for the first time as Lulu sneezes. At least something human in it.

Even our dog did not show any interest to her.

She is hungry or wet? Maybe she's cold? Communication with Lulu like handling unstable explosives.

I made a plate with a picture of Lulu. I thought it was funny. Carl did not appreciate.

Worst child's cry was only the anticipation of it.

Don't forget to bring bottles and sterilizers. And also remember that the Mall is full of germs.

When Lulu reaches twenty, I will be sixty. Will she consider me a man? Or we can be friends?

What a pity that the parents died before the birth of Lulu. The appearance of Lulu made their absence even more tangible. So many things I wanted to ask my mom. If I was the same in infancy?

It's a bit sad, but I become the average father. I was going to never photograph children. But now when meeting friends, I first pull out your iPhone. "I know you don't like photos of children, but Lulu another".

Looking back, I see those extraordinary metamorphosis that has occurred with me. From I became a photographer like his father.

Humor is what brings people together. It's clear to me language. Once spoke at Lulu. I teased her and she teased me back. I cried. We understood each other.

It's amazing. These photos are so much love that had never happened before.

I want to apologize to Carla. I know it is not easy to take my frankness. I want to apologize to Lulu. One day she will see these pictures and read these words. I want her to know that I am so glad I have it. I love you very much, Lulu.