"When Lulu was born, my wife Carla disappeared": how fatherly feelings develop

Photographer Philip Toledano became a father for the first time when he was forty years old. Let's face it: children were neither the dream of his life, nor the main goal. He had mixed feelings when his daughter Lulu was born.

He overcame a difficult path from fear of a little man to unconditional, all-consuming love. And I made a very candid photo project about it.

When you have a girlfriend, everyone asks, "When are you getting married?" And so you get married. Now everyone is asking, "When are you going to have a baby?" And here comes the baby. And everyone asks again: "When are you planning the second one?"

I was in the delivery room and saw how Lulu was born. I had a strange feeling: Did I become a father? Did a wave of love cover me at that moment? I'm not sure.

To the question of whether I like being a father, others expected only one answer. When I said "no", they frowned with displeasure.

When Lulu was born, my wife Carla disappeared.

I missed us. For the two of us.

I was replaced by this alien.

Restful sleep for the next three years was also canceled.

Everything Lulu did was absolutely incomprehensible. Like in a wildlife documentary.

I was very happy when I heard Lulu sneeze for the first time. At least there's something human about her.

Even our dog showed no interest in her.

Is she hungry or wet? Maybe she's cold? Dealing with Lulu is like handling unstable explosives.

I made plates with the image of Lulu. I thought it was funny. Carla didn't appreciate it.

The only thing worse than a child's cry was his expectation.

Do not forget to take bottles and sterilizers with you. And also remember that the mall is full of germs.

When Lulu turns twenty, I'll be sixty. Will she consider me an old man? Or will we be friends?

It's a pity that my parents died before Lulu was born. Lulu's appearance made their absence even more palpable. There are many things I would like to ask my mother. Was I the same in infancy?

It's a little sad, but I'm becoming an average dad. I was going to never take pictures of children. But now, when I meet friends, the first thing I do is take out my iPhone. "I know you don't like photos of children, but Lulu is different."

Looking back, I see those extraordinary metamorphoses that happened to me. I turned from a photographer into a father.

Humor is what unites people. This is a language I understand. One day Lulu spoke it. I teased her and she teased me back. I was crying. We understood each other.

It's amazing. There is so much love in these pictures as there has never been before.

I want to apologize to Carla. I know it's not easy for her to accept my frankness. I want to apologize to Lulu. One day she will see these photos and read these words. I want her to know that I'm so glad I have her. I love you very much, Lulu.