TV series from childhood: top 4 action movies that can not be reviewed

There are things that seem to exist outside of time. The past years have even made them better, like wine. And there are movies and TV shows that are forever in the past — you have wonderful memories about them, but there is one very important rule: do not even try to review them.

What pleased you twenty years ago does not work at all in our time, and instead of pleasant memories, you risk getting a forehead bloody from numerous facepalms.

ATTENTION: while reading this article, it will often seem to you that the author is wrong and is actually talking about your favorite shows. This is a normal reaction. The main thing is, do not try to review these series! Leave only warm and lamp-like memories about them. We warned you.

Each episode began with the most pathetic voice that told the backstory:

Does it sound like nonsense? You just didn't see what was happening on the screen! And there, actors dressed in plastic, painted like metal armor pretended to be fighters with biorobots. And these biorobots sought to digitize all people. Created on the basis of the Japanese TV series Metal Hero, "Captain Power" turned out to be a hellish failure — an absolutely childish and secondary plot, indistinct acting and eye-popping computer graphics.

Curiously, the Japanese original turned out to be more successful than the overseas follower — it ran from 1982 right up to 1999. And by the way, he returned to the United States again in the mid-nineties — in the form of the VR Troopers series. But even on the second attempt, he did not win success from the Western viewer.

It didn't help that Joseph Strazhinsky, one of the creators of Babylon 5, worked on the series, and each episode cost one million dollars (a lot of money by the standards of television at that time). The feeling that the creators simply buried this money in the ground. Those who want to review will have enough of a screensaver — after it, you will not approach this series for a long time.

In the nineties, it was a bomb. Post-apocalypse and laser weapons, energy armor and computer, absolutely unearthly biodreds (this is not a mistake, they really are called that). We even set up an armor control center in an old barn at my grandmother's, and from there it was heard:" Turn on the power! " ten times a day.

Yes, you have read these words, and the music from the screensaver has already started playing in your head. Tropical islands, beauties in bikinis and pumped up like a Krakow sausage tied with string, wrestler Terry "Hulk" Hogan.

And a super-high-tech boat — small on the outside (it was too expensive to take a large one for filming), but huge inside — a spacious cabin, an engine room, a lock for diving operations, even a small punishment cell for captured villains... and all this in a boat two meters wide!

The plot is very weak by today's standards. We are good, but the villains ... they prevent good guys from drinking cocktails and joking about sultry beauties on the beach. Therefore, we, former navy seals, will swim and shoot everyone. The Thunder boat has an artificial intelligence with voice control, generates a force field and, judging by the plot, drove a couple of times across the Atlantic without refueling.

There is absolutely nothing to watch in the series, except for the screensaver. And it is not as pleasing as it was a quarter of a century ago. Fights and shootouts are badly staged and, it seems, consist of nothing but the self-admiration of Hulk Hogan, who even holds a weapon in such a way as to emphasize his biceps.

There is not just a problem with acting — apparently, no one has thought about it at all. What can we say about the game, if one of the main characters, the daughter of the Hulk, is played alternately by two different, albeit similar actresses.

But how excitedly we watched this series, trying to catch the afternoon show after school. Many people became interested in physical education, looking at the main character-a wrestler and a bodybuilder. And I wanted to have such a boat, and get acquainted with the beauties. Not a TV series, but a living embodiment of a dream…

Another childhood dream: drive a black car, drive beautiful girls, and if they are in trouble, help them out.

And the car is not simple, and KITT is a Pontiac Firebird Trans Am car equipped with artificial intelligence that can joke as well as "Alice" or "Siri", and work with an autopilot, and search for criminals in the database. Plus, there is a heavy — duty molecular shield and acceleration to 643 kilometers per hour.

Former policeman Michael Knight drove a supercar and delivered justice to every home. Well, yes, cute girls got into his car and told him about their problem, most often related to some criminal or psychopath, and Knight solved it for two with a car. Almost an analogue of the "Commissar Rex" , only Rex was not joking and did not know how to accelerate to unthinkable speeds.

A beautiful artificial intelligence design — a red strip of LEDs that made KITT look like a TV remote control. Voice interface. The level of the plot is very average: the series was watched either because of KITT-if you are a guy, or because of Hasselhoff-if you are a girl. However, there are possible options…

Yes, this show broadcast dreams into our heads — to grow up, buy a sports car, equip it with artificial intelligence and drive wherever you want. In addition, "Knight of the Roads" was a great addition to the collection of Turbo inserts.

And here is a film and a TV series about a beautiful helicopter that has just taken off from a secret American laboratory, capable of rushing faster than sound. In fact, the helicopter is a little embellished with decorative Bell 222 body kits, which did not dream of such speeds on the drawing table. But what a difference!

Again, as in "Thunder in Paradise", there were no borders, and the pilot could, if desired, fly to Siberia, the Far East, and the Near West. There are no air defense systems worthy of the "Air Wolf", and there are no combat vehicles equal to it!

Opponents have come up with a huge variety-from the Libyan-Russian Doger T-36 (just don't ask what it means), to the MiG-23 and MiG-25, absolutely not similar to real aircraft. Well, the double series about the Soviet Union has generally dispersed into memes. Yes, yes, the one where it was told about the "Stavograd Vigorous Plant", where the level of "ovnours" was growing, as a result of which there was a "cloud of fznamzon" and other events.

In general, let's be honest — today it is impossible to watch this series at all. Except for a laugh. Although where else at that time could you see so many different military equipment, even if it did not look like itself? "Top Gun" was completely watched, and here the helicopters showed beautifully…

And stop reaching for the "enable viewing" button! We warned you!