5 alternative Santa Clauses (or Father Frosts)

Tired of a fat man with a bag of gifts and think that he has already outlived his own? And really, how long? The same guy who has become completely unfashionable cannot do this for two thousand years in a row. Well, this year, you can choose the Santa of your choice, and who knows, maybe he will visit you on New Year's Eve.

(Total 5 photos)

Source: excitermag.net

1 Santa Hipster

You can know that a skinny Santa in jeans and a cowboy shirt has visited you, because exactly in a second photos will appear on his Instagram: a) cookies and milk that you left him on the table, b) your Christmas tree, c) a selfie in front of your Christmas tree , d) a selfie in front of your Christmas tree with a cookie in his hands (he most likely will not drink milk, because it is not soy and contains lactose).

He will come to your house on a bicycle, because the deer are "too mainstream", and, most likely, he will enter the house through the window, because the pipe and the door are also "mainstream".

What to expect as a gift? A selection of natural, crooked soaps made in his own kitchen, a tacky animal-fat-free cake baked in his own oven, a T-shirt bought at a flea market (true vintage!) or a selection of Lars von Trier's films from the Dogma era.

2. Santa hippie

This is the funniest Santa ever. You will know about his approach by indistinct muttering about "peace and love." Not only will he eat all your cookies and drink all your milk, he will also smoke your Christmas tree.

He will come on foot, because the reindeer and the team are materialism, and materialism is evil. But it will get into your house in the traditional way - through a pipe, because it will be ashamed to ring the doorbell. But do not expect gifts from him, because he does not believe in Christian holidays, and in general, consumerism is also evil. The only thing he can leave behind is a randomly dropped bauble and a heel from a joint in an ashtray: hippies, after all, they are kind.

3. Santa gopnik

This Santa will not burst into your house through a pipe, he will not even ring the doorbell - he will simply knock it out with a cry: “Do you have any seeds? Will you call? Will there be a smoke?" You will recognize him by the characteristic appearance of an inhabitant of the city outskirts, who only yesterday “lean back” from the zone, and an unchanged tracksuit. On the occasion of the holiday, the costume can even be red. He will not give you anything, but he will squeeze your mobile phone, take away all the gifts and take out the Christmas tree. It is better not to resist and give him everything at once, because otherwise the question will follow: “And if I find it?”. Please note that such Santa usually does not walk alone, somewhere nearby a couple more "elves" are waiting for him. If you behave well, he, as compensation, can pour you seeds. As soon as he leaves your house, you can safely call the police.

4. Emo Santa

This gloomy, indeterminate gender, with bangs that cover half of his face and black eyeliner, Santa will not come to your house at all, because no one in the world deserves it. Do not expect gifts, because people are disgusting, life is shit, and everything is just decay. If you really need to find such a Santa, go to the roof of a high-rise building - he will sit on the edge, look at the city illuminated by lights and sob; or to a smoky, cramped club on the outskirts of town for a concert by a band with a strange name, like "Welcome to plague year" or "My heart is on the right", where he will do the same. The only way you'll find an emo Santa in your house is if he cuts his wrists in your bathroom.

5. Santa bum

This Santa will also never enter your house (maximum - he can visit a cottage closed for the winter), but you can always find him in the entrance or near the garbage cans, fragrant with years of unwashed body and persistent fumes. It is by smell that you will know about the approach of this Santa long before he appears. If the wind blows in the other direction, then according to other characteristic signs - a swollen face, a black eye, clothes taken from the very first, long-dead Santa in the world and the question: “Brother, are there dozens to get drunk? I feel bad". As a gift, you can only get what you yourself threw in the trash yesterday.