Group dates, bill payments, motel sex and other features of relationships in South Korea
The user of "Pikabu", a Korean woman named Hyeon, talks about the life and customs of South Korea. She has already written about household appliances, which residents of her country use everywhere, but which is new to us. And now she decided to raise the topic of the peculiarities of relations between young Koreans before the wedding.
1. How to get acquainted?
In Korea, 3-on-3 or 5-on-5 group dates are often held. This method is popular with students (aged 17-20 years). Korean universities have recreation rooms, and it often happens that the organizers of such meetings come there and call for those who wish. Something like this: "Let's give three guys from the Faculty of Business and three girls from the Faculty of Science."
Usually they meet in a bar, play alcoholic games and communicate with each other, but often everything ends after one such date, because there is not enough time to get to know the person better. If someone likes someone, they exchange phone numbers so that the next time they meet together.
Older people often have one-on-one dates. Because they are already tired of all sorts of alcoholic games and they want more serious meetings and conversations. The organizer of the dates is often a mutual acquaintance of a man and a woman. After three meetings, they decide whether they will continue to meet.
2. Appearance problems
Usually there are no couples in which a young man is shorter than a girl. We have common standards about the appearance of the opposite sex: for men, a beautiful girl should not be thicker than himself, and for women — a young man taller than her. Yes, looks are very important. We have too many people in a small country, and people are always close to each other and pay attention to everything: who is dressed how, who has what figure, and so on.
3. Who will pay for lunch?
I'm not sure how this system works for other generations of Koreans, but at least people my age try to pay in half. It works, as a rule, like this: if a man paid in a restaurant, then a woman pays in a cafe after lunch / dinner or vice versa, so it turns out almost the same.
But at the first meeting, men usually pay more. Korean women often think that if a guy doesn't pay on the first date, then he is stingy.
4. How many days are we a couple?
In Korea, it is necessary to clarify whether you are really dating. It often happens that a man walks with a girl without serious intentions, so Korean women prefer to clarify as follows: "From today, the first official day of relations." Now this is her official boyfriend.
And it is also necessary to celebrate anniversaries. They are often celebrated: 100 days of relationship, 200 days of relationship, 1 year, 2 years and so on. There's even an app that counts the days. It is so important for us to celebrate all these dates. On this day, couples test their feelings with flowers and gifts. And if someone forgets about the anniversary, that's it! Resentment…
On the anniversary, it is customary to book a good restaurant and spend the whole day together or go on a trip for two days and one night. After the celebration, it is necessary to upload photos with hashtags like #mytime 100days, #long ago and #celebrate 200days.
5. Couples want to have the same things
The reason is unknown. But couples often buy similar things — for example, clothes, phone cases. Although they are not married, they often wear a ring on their ring finger. Everyone tries to show that he is not alone. We are a couple!
6. How to meet?
Meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend at home is, of course, great ... Only in Korea the problem is that young people usually live with their parents, and it is not customary for us to introduce them to their soulmate before a serious relationship or wedding. (Why do Koreans live with their parents? Because apartments in Korea are too expensive, and the deposit for rental housing is very large.)
Their young man or girl is presented to their parents only if they are going to get married. Therefore, it is impossible to meet at home before the wedding. So couples go to cafes and restaurants. And when they want to make love, they rent a room in a motel for 4 hours or for the whole night and tell their parents that they are going to spend the night with friends. I have rarely seen such hotels in Russia, but in Korea, where there are a lot of people, there are always motels (there are a lot of them) and their glowing signs are visible from afar. At night in Korea, motels and crosses of churches are clearly visible everywhere, as in the photo.
7. "Boys and girls cannot sit together after they are 7 years old"
In the teachings of Confucius, it is prescribed that men and women should not sit together from the age of seven. Confucianism in Korea spread during the Joseon dynasty, and this is one of its rules. The main purpose of the rule is to prevent women from contacting men. Now it is no longer relevant, but because of the influence of Confucianism, my parents' generation went to separate schools for boys and girls. When a young girl and a man start walking together, it can become a reason for rumors, and rumors for a woman are a problem.
We usually hide the fact that we are dating someone, maybe because of this old rule of Confucianism. We don't want to get the condemnation of our parents. And although parents know that their offspring has a young man or a girl, children will definitely not tell them that they went on a date.
8. Friends and girlfriends
When a couple is formed, the young man can no longer communicate with other girls, and his girlfriend — with other guys. And all because in Korea, most people believe that friendship with the opposite sex is impossible.
9. The Army
In Korea, the hardest time for a couple is when a young man goes to serve in the army (21 months for the ground forces and 24 months for the navy). Military service is mandatory for Koreans, and many young couples break up after 17 months.
While your young man is serving, it is customary to wear rubber shoes. Rubber shoes are ugly and it is inconvenient to walk in them for a long time, so it has become a symbol of girls who are waiting for their boyfriend from the army.
10. Sayings
There is a saying for women: "After a shitty car, there will be a Mercedes-Benz." This means that after a bad young man, the best one will come and everything will be fine.
You need to transfer between two stations. We call a transfer cases when someone changes a partner. Usually, after a breakup and before the start of a new relationship, they pause, because it takes time to morally say goodbye to the ex and "pull" him out of his heart. And someone immediately after the breakup starts dating a new person. This is what we call a "quick transfer".
Keywords: Relations | South Korea