What you need to do before thirty - 12 tips from a psychologist

The ages from 20 to 30 are the most important decade in a person's life. This time needs to be used as efficiently as possible!

November 10th is World Youth Day. We all know very well that being young is wonderful in every way. You are full of strength, hopes, plans. You feel that life is just beginning and there are still so many pleasant discoveries ahead of you! But this is also the beginning of adult life. The time when the foundation of the future is laid. What you sow in youth, you reap in maturity...

How can we properly use the opportunities given to us by our youth? This is exactly what psychologist Meg Jay’s book “Important Years” talks about. Why you shouldn’t put off life until later” (in Russia, this bestseller was published by the Mann, Ivanov and Ferber publishing house). The book is dedicated to all those who are between 20 and 30 years old. According to the author, this is the most important decade, which determines our entire future life. With the permission of the publisher, we publish 12 wise advice and quotes from this book.

1. About the formula of happiness. (Still from the movie “Jobs: Empire of Seduction”)

There is no formula for a good life, just as there is no right or wrong life. But there are choices and their consequences, so it would be useful for twenty-year-old boys and girls to think about their future. This will make them feel better when that future comes. If you pay enough attention to your life between the ages of twenty and thirty, wonderful days await you.

2. About choice. (Still from the film “The Truman Show”)

It is impossible to live your life in your thoughts. The only way to know what to do is to do something. There is something awe-inspiring about the statement, “My life is in my hands.” It’s scary to realize that miracles don’t happen, that you can’t just sit and wait.

Not knowing what you want to do with your life is a defense mechanism against such fear. It's a way of pretending that the present doesn't matter. Reluctance to make choices is nothing more than the hope that there is some way to live life without taking on any responsibility.

3. About friends. (Still from the film “The Third Wheel”)

Sometimes our close friends hold back our development. Typically, the people with whom we form close relationships are too similar to offer more than compassion.

4. About connections. (Still from the film “The Devil Wears Prada”)

Weak ties include former employers, acquaintances and other people who never became our close friends. They are the ones who give us access to something new. They have experience that we don't have. They know people we don't know. Information and opportunities flow through weak ties.

5. About self-confidence. (Still from the movie “Love Actually”)

Self-confidence is not an innate quality, but a quality acquired through experience. People would experience less anxiety and feel more confident if they could back it up with some success. Showing self-confidence occurs when you try to hide your insecurities. The basis of true confidence is the experience of direct activity or memories of successes achieved, especially if they were achieved at the cost of great effort. Whatever we are talking about, about love or work, self-confidence prevails over uncertainty only when it is based on experience. There is no other way.

6. About money. (Still from the film "The Wolf of Wall Street")

In their twenties, people may feel like they still have decades of earning more and more money ahead of them, but recent data from the U.S. Census Bureau suggests that, on average, wages peak at age forty. values, after which it remains practically unchanged.

7. About choosing a life partner. (Still from the movie "Bridget Jones's Diary")

If building a career can be compared to playing blackjack (where you need to see the cards when making decisions; play with two hands, while remembering the current winnings; be willing to take risks), then choosing a life partner is like going to the roulette wheel and betting All your chips are on red. Your choice of partner and all related aspects of adult life depend on one decision. Money, work, lifestyle, family, health, leisure, retirement and even death all turn into a pairs running competition (where one runner's leg is tied to the other's). Almost all events in your life will be closely intertwined with almost all events in your partner’s life. And let's face it: if the marriage turns out to be unsuccessful, you can't just quit it like a boring job.

8. About marriage. (Still from the film “Julie and Julia. Cooking happiness according to the recipe”)

Although the media glorifies the single life, there's actually little joy in being single in your twenties. The study, which looked at the lives of young people from their early twenties to their early thirties, found that 80 percent of singles (boys and girls who dated and had casual relationships but did not make serious commitments) are unhappy with this life and only 10 percent really do not want to have partners. The constant absence of a partner can have a detrimental effect on the lives of men, since those who lead a single lifestyle in their twenties have a significant drop in self-esteem by the age of thirty.

9. About social networks. (Still from the film “The Social Network”)

Most young people in their twenties are smart enough not to compare their lives to what they see on celebrity microblogs. However, they still perceive Facebook images and posts as real. They don't understand that most people just hide their problems.

Such self-deception forces users of social networks to constantly compare their social status with some higher standards. As a result, their not so perfect life looks like a failure compared to the wonderful life that others supposedly live. All this does not help strengthen the self-esteem of such young people.

10. About regret. (Still from the film “The Pursuit of Happiness”)

What I don’t understand and what I regret a little is why I spent so many years having fun at parties and lazing around cafes with people whose faces I can’t even remember now. For what? Twenty years is a good time, but was it really worth wasting it so carelessly? As I lay in the tomograph, I realized that I had wasted these years of my life at parties and in cafes, and could have spent them with my son if I had matured a little earlier. Why didn't someone throw out the rules of good manners and tell me straight up that I was wasting my life?

11. About the capabilities of the brain. (Still from the film “The Incredible Life of Walter Mitty”)

Of course, after thirty the brain remains plastic, but it will never again offer us such a huge number of new neural connections. We will never be able to learn something new so quickly again. It will never be so easy for us to become who we hope to become. Therefore, inaction during this period is very dangerous.

12. About responsibility for your life. (Still from the film “Amelie”)

The future is not written in heaven. There are no guarantees. Therefore, take responsibility for your life. Set goals. Find a job. Start a family. Don't forget about time. Bring certainty into your life. Your destiny should not depend on the fact that you didn’t know something or didn’t do something. You are now making a choice that will determine your entire life.