The crisis of the genre: porn star Asa Akira about the difficulties of the profession

"I want to read about a threesome for three. Will it embarrass anyone?" — Asa Akira asks a crowd of fans at the presentation of his new autobiographical book Dirty Thirty ("Dirty Thirty"). She stands at the microphone stand at Blue Stockings, a bookstore popular with radical feminists. Her fragile body is 157 centimeters tall, perched on a pair of yellowish-brown shoes from Christian Louboutin. "So, it was either a three-way hookup, or a time when I thought I was a hermaphrodite," she continues.

In her 30s, Asa is not just a budding talent, she is one of the most famous porn actresses of the generation. In addition to the authorship of two books that were well received by the audience, Asa also has more than 500 roles in adult films that can be found on any porn site. Asa's work on camera has earned her many professional awards, including the title of the best porn actress of 2013 according to Adult Video News and prizes for the best anal penetration scene in 2011 and 2012. This is not to mention the fact that she is often simply called the "queen of anal".

But, despite all her undeniable successes, Asa came to disappointing conclusions about what is happening in her life. When her career in this ambiguous field was just beginning, Asa, like many of her colleagues in the film industry, assumed that she would not stay in this business for more than 2-3 years. However, it turned out that her gradual professional development in the field of adult films was delayed for 8 years. Now, after Akira's age has crossed the psychologically important mark of 30 years, it's time to think about what to do next: continue acting in porn or, for example, have kids for once.

In between talking about masturbation on the stage of a nightclub or cleansing the intestines before filming, Asa plunges into the same state of uncertainty that inspired her to create the book "Dirty Thirty". "I wrote a lot in the book about what happens to a woman when she turns 30, but she has no idea what's next. Whenever I'm done with porn, I'll still have to start from the stage that my friends went through 10 years ago. I still haven't fully decided whether I want to have children, and thoughts about this are constantly spinning in my head," said Asa.

Asa's inner turmoil is fueled by stress and fear of aging. This problem is relevant for many women in the United States, where, as in many other countries of the world, youth is fetishized by society. In the porn industry, unspoken discrimination on the basis of age is perhaps even more pronounced: despite the existence of such genres as MILF (an abbreviation of the English "Mom I'd like to f*ck" — "Mom with whom I would like to have sex") and Mature (a genre of porn films characterized by the participation of older women in filming), the older the actress becomes, the less her professional value for the industry.

This depressive state is also due to the fact that Asa was caught in the crossfire of stereotypes: the crisis in her life is largely caused by the pressure of widespread prejudices in society that a woman must be a mother. Even people like Asa, who have decided, it would seem, that they want to focus on their career, and not on the birth and upbringing of children, feel the pressure of these limited ideas about what life priorities a woman of our time should have.

"I always knew that if I hadn't tried to act in porn, I would later regret that I missed this chance. But at the same time, I firmly believe that if I never have children, I will not feel satisfied. However, what worries me most of all is how my children will live, given the specifics of my career. Yes, what will it be like for them to live with the realization that their mother is called the "queen of anal"," Akira reflects in her book.

"It is not easy to talk about this, because I am familiar with many colleagues who have children, and I know what difficulties they face. I do not blame them at all and, frankly, I am sure that they are doing an excellent job. But at the same time, I remember how, as a child myself, in quarrels with my parents, I kept throwing them a phrase that can be called the apogee of disobedience: "Actually, I didn't ask you to give birth to me!" I am afraid of a mirror image of such a situation in my own life, because one day my children will go to school, their classmates will find out that I was acting in porn, and they will start teasing them. And then they will definitely have the thought in their head: "Why the hell did you give birth to me at all?"", — said Asa.

At a time when pop stars like Beyonce are proudly spreading the philosophy of feminism in their work, and Hillary Clinton is seriously claiming to become the president of the United States, it is difficult to imagine that some women are under such severe pressure of stereotypes and serious social restrictions associated with the realization of emotional needs.

Asa felt a manifestation of sexuality in herself since a fairly early adolescence. However, it was not customary to talk about it in her family, such topics were almost forbidden. Therefore, the girl's curiosity was also strengthened by this, which, perhaps, later pushed Akira to the aforementioned career experiments. Until now, she does not touch on the topic of work in conversations with her parents, although she calls her mother almost every day.

People often believe that women in the porn industry are exploited by misogynists. However, Akira admits that she really likes doing this and that her path to career achievements was passed with great pleasure. On the one hand, it is quite obvious that Akira's career in the porn industry has brought huge benefits: suffice it to say that her personal fortune is estimated at about $ 1.5 million. This makes her one of the richest porn stars in the United States. But, unfortunately, with the development of a career, there are more and more life difficulties.

As they say in the book "Dirty Thirty", a turning point has come in Asa's life, when she must somehow reconcile in her life two difficult compatible sides of her personality: a porn actress who freely expresses her sexuality and a woman who, following the call of nature, wants to become a mother. Perhaps there is some injustice in the fact that this duality exists even for such liberal women as Akira in the matter of expressing their sexuality. It is also worth noting the courage that is required not to pretend that she is outside of this struggle: the openness and honesty with which this life story is presented in the book deserves special respect.

"I'm so proud of what I'm doing. I am proud that I have learned to take control of my sexuality. I am also proud of this because I did it, despite the position of most people in my environment. But I am also well aware that because of the way the world is today, I have deprived myself of many opportunities, closed many doors for myself. I would be lying if I said that it doesn't upset me," Asa shared.