Phubbing: The Invisible Enemy of Relationships: Why We Lose Attention to Each Other

What are the main reasons for relationship breakdowns these days? Most people will immediately name infidelity, financial problems, and addictions. But few will remember the factor that, according to recent studies, has become the most common worldwide: lack of attention from a partner. This is often the final straw. One of the most common forms of this lack of attention is "phubbing." The word may be unfamiliar, but the phenomenon is painfully familiar.

Who steals the attention that should belong to your loved one these days? The smartphone. People hold it in their hands from early morning until late at night—even during family dinners or on dates.

Psychologists define phubbing (from the English "phubbing" - phone + snubbing) as a behavior in which a person becomes distracted by their phone during a face-to-face conversation, losing eye contact, and effectively ignoring the other person. The term originated in Australia in 2012 and quickly spread around the world. It still sounds unfamiliar to us, but we finally have a definitive word for the situation when everyone in a group is silently glued to their screens, or when a guy frantically replies to work messages on a date instead of making eye contact.

It's not just about being rude. Phubbing disrupts focus: the other person feels unwanted, loses the thread of the conversation, and misses important points. This leads to misunderstandings, resentments, and conflicts. Romantic relationships suffer the most from this habit.

In 2015, American scientists James Roberts and Meredith David from Baylor University surveyed 453 people and obtained alarming figures:

— 46.3% experience phubbing on a regular basis; — 36.6% admit that it causes them depression; — 22.6% say that phubbing regularly provokes conflicts in the couple.

In two out of three cases, using a partner's phone during a conversation causes negative reactions—ranging from mild irritation to serious stress. Russian studies add a piquant detail: most people consider themselves exclusively victims of phubbing and are unaware that they regularly engage in it themselves.

What should you do if your partner is constantly distracted by their phone? Start with a gentle but direct conversation: "It's important to me that we be present in the moment when we talk." Sometimes that's enough. Sometimes it's not, especially if the habit is deeply ingrained and no one has brought it up before.

First, ask yourself honestly: does your partner have a real addiction? Some people search their phones for a quick dopamine hit, while others hide from reality there because they feel more secure in the virtual world. Sometimes, people simply don't know how to share their emotions and instead of saying "I'm sad" or "I'm happy," they resort to scrolling.

Find a calm moment and express your feelings without accusations, using "I" statements: "When you look at your phone during a conversation, I feel like I'm unimportant to you. It makes me feel hurt and lonely."

It's best to agree on a simple rule right away: put your phones away during dinner, walks, or conversations together. Ideally, these boundaries should be established early in the relationship, but when we're falling in love, we often turn a blind eye to "little things," hoping they'll go away on their own. They usually don't.

If, after all the conversations and agreements, your partner still chooses the phone over you, that's a warning sign. In long-term relationships, such behavior often indicates emotional distance and an impending crisis. And in the early stages, it indicates that you're simply not a priority.

But what if your partner is complaining about you specifically? We rarely admit to ourselves that we regularly "phub" ourselves. Try putting yourself in your loved one's shoes and honestly ask: how would you feel if your loved one constantly looked away from the screen?

Try establishing a simple rule together: only pick up your phone for truly important reasons. It will quickly become clear that such reasons are almost never actually used.

Phubbing has become so commonplace these days that many people don't even notice how they're losing touch with their closest loved ones. Should we let gadgets dictate who we pay attention to and who we don't? Do you think it's possible to completely abandon the habit of checking your phone at the table and in bed in 2025—or is this a new norm we can only accept?