How to catch a goldfish in the Almaty pond

5 steps that any self—respecting modern girl should take - Matilda Ibraeva wants to improve the bows that you post on Instagram.

How often, looking through the pages of someone's Instagram or Facebook account, we, adults, self-sufficient and girls who have seen something in our lives, wonder how our local and not-quite-local nymphets manage to live such a rich, rich life with all these trips abroad, dozens of birkin, yachts, diamonds in a couple of carats and other attributes of Dolce Vita. Of course, speaking about all this, I do not mean daughters, nieces, granddaughters, to whom everything is given by definition, as in the conditions of a mathematical problem in the "given" column. We are talking about ordinary girls from Taraz or some Mukhosransk of our huge country who manage to arrange their lives so successfully in terms of well-being and leisure, up to the possession of Vionnet.

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According to the materials nespi.kz

So, let's try to find the answer to the question of how to become a socialite in 20 years in this wonderful party and probably the most glamorous city of Kazakhstan — Almaty, provided that the only tools that God has rewarded you with are only a pretty face and frenzied assertiveness in achieving your goals.

It's not that complicated. Actually. Let's brush the crumbs of morality off the table of life — and go forward, step by step, towards women's happiness.

Step 1. Decisive

You live somewhere in the priest of the Kazakh land, but every time you approach the mirror in the hallway of your filthy parental Khrushchev, your mood rises, because, in the language of glossy magazines, beauty is a terrible force! And you have it. And that's great! Do you deserve to rot in this ass for all your best years, beauty? Not at all! Then pack your bags, enroll in any incomprehensible Almaty university — and go to the top of the Maslow pyramid!

Step 2. Offensive

Naturally, arriving in this wonderful party city, you realize that your bow (learn English, baby) and the general degree of your grooming is not a format for glamorous Almaty at all. What to do? After all, poor parents gave money only for dorms and breakfasts. The answer is simple — find yourself at least some man. Someone who, in return for your young and not too tired body, will be ready to incur certain expenses: dress you up at least in a banal Zara, make you an easy tuning in beauty salons and take off an ordinary one-piece, but in the city center. Your mom's friends called them sponsors, but today the sponsors have become investors. As a rule, this is an average middle-aged mambetkovat businessman (around forty), who, having been married for 20 years and having a bunch of children, could not even imagine that such happiness as you would fall on his head. Looking into your sweet face in the morning, into your wide—open and clear eyes, he is, of course, ready to invest - this is not even discussed! However, as far as possible. Don't count on much, it's not your jackpot yet — it's only step number two.

How to find an investor?

As in the song, you put on all the best at once and go to some mediocre club or karaoke (Don't Worry Papa, Zoloto will also do). Thoughtfully smoking a thin cigarette and slowly sipping a single cocktail, do not forget to scan the surrounding space, radiating a readiness for adventure. Important elements of a combat suit are a cleavage in the presence of breasts larger than two (if smaller, a double push—up will also do) and a shorter skirt. The goal is to knock out the "tiger", make sure that the object's light bulb lights up, a bump smokes, a balloon explodes, and so on.

Avoid mines! Maneuver between suckers without love. Fishing-fishing only on primary sexual characteristics — expensive shoes, watches, cars. Start pumping "tigger" on the first evening. So you will understand how easily he parts with money. Having hooked him on the hook, order everything at once that your soul wants, and do not forget to go around two or three places in a night. If he can master such a march, it is a sign of a good paratrooper.

Naturally, on the first evening, NO ONE GIVES ANYONE! Get it on your pretty nose. Further along the script — calls, meetings, more calls, hangouts. The first sex is only after the first gift, even if it is insignificant. The first sex is like the first impression, it is important to give 100%, but you should not show all your capabilities. A little bit of a mystery, baby! After feeding the "tigger", swing on. He must: a) to dress you, wash and comb your hair; b) to take you to Turkey; c) AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING is to give you cash for a living, and the more, the better.

Your task is to save as much money as possible. You'll need them to catch bigger fish. Do not delay with the "tigruls" — the "major league" is waiting for you. You have six to nine months for everything about everything. After this time, you should have a layer of a couple of tens of thousands of units, a good wardrobe and a more or less formatted bow. We collect a stock of tears, compose a heartbreaking story "I can't do this anymore" and send "tigger" to the garden.

Step 3. Educational

In order to catch a bigger fish, you need brains or at least a sense of their presence. The option "stupid n#$%a" will not work. Therefore, you upgrade your incomprehensible university to something more prestigious and sign up for all sorts of courses. Well, like psychology, cooking, strip plastic, vocals, etc. Your task is to turn into a versatile person or, again, to create the appearance of such. In parallel, you improve your appearance — if necessary, gel, silicone, dysport and other things from the field of cosmetology and plastic surgery. You forget about shashtaraz "Etoile" and start visiting expensive salons, Hellas, buy a subscription to an elite wellness club.

One more nuance — if you used to hang out at night, now you do it mostly during the day. Unclear? I'll explain. These are lunches, afternoon tea and dinners in expensive establishments such as GQ, Villa dei Fiori, Parmigiano and the like. Naturally, you order a maximum of salad and a glass of wine. Lava needs to be spent efficiently. It is in these places that those of whom you dream are found. So, during the next afternoon snack or dinner, the young lean assistant of the mysterious agashka gives you a bouquet of 101 roses or a bottle of wine with a request to give you a phone. This is your lucky moment — the fish has bitten. Now it is important not to scare her off and not to break the fishing line.

Step 4. Charming

Well, agashka is almost yours. How to please agashka? Come up with a legend, any one: wealthy parents in Mukhosransk, dad is a deputy mayor, brother works in London. In general, anything, anything that can confirm that you have legal money — that is, not from an investor. I will not spread my thoughts along the tree. Just remember the 4 rules:

— You always look good. — There is something to talk about with you. That is, you are not a TP. — He is the most important for you, smart, interesting. Listen to everything he says, "with your mouth open." — In sex, you fulfill all his cherished desires.

If you can handle all this, then it's yours, and for as long as you want and you can improve further. By the way, if such a person has a crush on you, he will invest in you himself, you don't need to do anything special for this, you just need to be HIS. The "tigruli" scenario doesn't work here.

And finally you have penetrated into the hallway of Almaty glamour, you have the long-awaited LV, Birkin, Graff, Porsche Cayenne and an apartment in an elite residential complex. You're doing great, baby!

Step 5. Final

You did it, but it's not enough for you? Do you want to become a full-fledged second wife? I'll tell you about it next time.

Your Matilda Ibraeva.