Friendship with ex can be a sign of mental disorder
In our days, the friendship with the ex-partners is normal, civilized and progressive. In this article we are told in journals and Internet, numerous coaches and bloggers. But psychologists have in this respect the dissenting opinion, and it is scientifically justified. So why do experts believe a friendly relationship with the former deviation from the norm?
Usually in a breakup, we promise ourselves not to hold a grudge against a former partner to maintain good relations and even help in difficult situations. If the gap is not accompanied by a scandal, a fight, and throwing things out the window, then, often, we plan to stay friends, but, most of all, completely stop communicating.
And all this is perfectly normal — as the first impulse to be friends and the next after that a complete cessation of all contacts. Everything each other said, all points clarified and the relationship came to a logical conclusion. Loved each other, people become strangers to each other very quickly and psychologists believe that it is good for all.
A couple of years ago, scientists from New Zealand have carefully studied this issue and found that relations with the former only support people with mental health problems. The study involved 850 volunteers who openly answered personal questions posed by psychologists.
I find it interesting that women's and men's motives to maintain good relations with former partners are totally different. Women are not ready to accept that it's over, and therefore refuse to wipe the slate clean and move on. But men almost never have illusions and want to make friends solely in order to satisfy their sexual needs.
The male version is particularly unpromising as a "friendship with sex" can last for years and no qualitative change takes place. This format brings only harm, as it prevents women to have new relationship and build a full personal life.
It is well known truth that the collapse of relations is always to blame two, so that both do not want to maintain a relationship, it is normal. It works even if you have not started a new novel. Psychologists generally advise people to be wary of those who propose to maintain friendly relations, especially if the means of sexual contact.
The desire of men to whatever was closer to the short distance, to turn into a "girlfriend" is a symptom of Narcissus. And narcissism is a very real and common mental disorder, it is not associated with an excess of self-confidence or the need to always look marvelous.
The concept of narcissism was introduced to psychology Sigmund Freud and the main feature of this phenomenon, a pronounced sense of ownership. These people can't just leave, to let go, so the partner is still perceived as property and to combat this feeling is very hard.
Psychopaths are also owners, like the daffodils, but this feeling is easy to get along with painful affection, sadness, jealousy, and even aggression. While remaining "on the short leg" with the former, you doom yourself to a continuous series of tantrums that will occur more often.
Another version of the friendship with the ex — mercenary when the partner try to get at least some benefit, since I do not have a relationship. Of course, most men in this case, interest in sex, and women wealth.
Notwithstanding the foregoing, the researchers do not suggest to see the former solely as consumers and, especially, as in maniacs, psychopaths. Just need to be careful not to be deceived, used or disappointed.
Keywords: Marriage | Relationship | Couple | Psychology | Separation | Family