Why do people show the world photos of their dead children and why they should not be condemned

Sometimes celebrities share with their followers not only joyful, but also tragic moments of life that many people simply think are unacceptable for public discussion. For example, in recent years, it has been especially acute in Networks are discussing pictures of star parents with dead children in their arms. We talked to a psychologist to figure out how to treat this.

At the end of September, top model Chrissy Teigen announced that she and her husband John Legend had lost a child. During the quarantine, the 34-year-old star became pregnant. The couple considered it a gift from above — after all, they had previously undergone many reproductive procedures for years to give birth to a son and daughter.

Chrissy actively shared the details of her situation and did not hide that her health is far from ideal. The fact is that because of the thin placenta, Teigen regularly had bleeding, which increases the risk of miscarriage.

The model spent about a month in bed to exclude the development of complications. However, this did not help, and she needed medical procedures and a blood transfusion. Alas, all these measures under the supervision of professionals in one of the best hospitals in Los Angeles did not help to save the child.

Being approximately in the second trimester of pregnancy, Chrissy had to cause an artificial birth. Next to the star was her husband, as well as her mother. All of them were holding an inanimate baby in their arms — after all, so many plans had already been built with his participation.

It seems that the public would definitely support the inconsolable mother, if not for these photos. Many people in The network found them shocking, frightening, superfluous.

Internet users have decided that true suffering does not involve creating content for social networks for the needs of a multi-million public. Probably, if it were not for the support of numerous star friends and fans, Teigen's blog would have drowned in negative comments…

In 2018, for such an act in The networks literally anathematized the Ukrainian model Yana Yanovskaya. The expectant mother was in the last weeks of pregnancy and was vacationing with her husband and daughter in the Maldives when she learned that the heart of her second child was no longer beating. Local doctors immediately recommended to call an artificial birth, but Yana was afraid to trust unfamiliar surgeons in a foreign country.

Until the end of the vacation, Yanovskaya and her husband tried to remain calm, so as not to frighten their daughter and hundreds of thousands of their subscribers. And upon returning to Kiev, the model immediately went to the hospital to cause an artificial birth — and soon showed a photo with her dead son.

Yanovskaya tried not to pay attention to Haight. Instead, for several weeks, she told in detail about what happened from all angles, seeing this as a special mission.

Similarly, the young spouses from England, Charlotte and Atilla Shakaks, explained their actions in a similar way. At the end of 2016, their daughter Evlin was born.

Unfortunately, due to a rare genetic mutation, the girl could not breathe on her own. Despite the doctors ' attempts to save her, the girl died a few weeks later. To ease the condition of the young parents, the doctors allowed them to leave the dead child in a special hospital box with a cooling function for a while. So the couple had the opportunity not to immediately bury their daughter, but also to come to terms with what happened in an acceptable mode for them.

In total, Charlotte and Attila spent 12 days next to the girl's body. In addition, they took a lot of photos for memory — and also arranged walks with the baby, dressing her up and putting her in a brand-new stroller... The Shakaks did not hesitate to tell about their farewell to their daughter in social networks. They said that by such an act they want to encourage other parents not to try to quickly erase the dramatic experience from their memory.

Of course, such situations are difficult to consider ordinary. Especially in our country, where the culture of frank expression of feelings is still not sufficiently developed. But no matter how we feel about it, we should not condemn parents who are already unbearably hard, says perinatal psychologist Alina Nikiforova.

According to Alina, in the USA and The European Union has long had special protocols for providing assistance to parents of stillborn children, so in these countries, such situations in the public space are more tolerant. Unfortunately, in Russia, this problem has not yet received so much attention.

In fact, the ceremony of saying goodbye to a dead child helps to close not only this loss, but also to ease the condition in the future, when the couple again thinks about the establishment of offspring.

And in general, it is impossible to simply forget about what happened, the expert is convinced. According to experts, emotional recovery after an unsuccessful birth will take at least a year — and then in a situation of professional help.

Alina Nikiforova urges not to feel indignation and anger when faced with photos of celebrities with dead children in their arms — this is also a way to live your tragedy.

Unlike all of us, bloggers and selebs are used to showing their every step, and for them this is a certain version of the norm that saves in the most difficult moment.

Probably, the most competent solution in such a situation will be either to support the inconsolable parents, or just silently pass by their manifestations of their grief. Negativity will not help anyone — and even more so will not shield those who show negativity from thoughts about this tragedy.