The problems of Instagram stars: vegan pastries are tasteless, and it's cold in pants with doorways

Austrian video blogger Michael Buchinger, at the request of Vice, conducted an experiment and lived a week in the style of Instagram stars: he carefully selected clothes, cooked healthy pastries, played sports, organized fashionable parties and posted photos on his account. In seven days he became disillusioned with such a life — and described his impressions in the column.

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Source: Vice

Michael Buchinger admitted that he hates the beginning of the year, and suggested that life would become more interesting if he behaved in a way that attracted followers on Instagram: set # goals and use filters that make captured moments more meaningful. The blogger hoped that this would save him from the January melancholy.

In these uncertain times, I find solace in watching professional Instagram bloggers - people who don't just live, but demonstrate a lifestyle. In the eternally radiant selfies, they raise glasses with Moët & Chandon to toast: "In the new year, a new me! There are so many exciting projects ahead!" I am a video blogger myself, but the only "exciting project" that I have planned for 2017 is to learn Michael Jackson's dance from the Thriller clip. It's exciting, of course, but in a different way."

Buchinger went to an event for bloggers and "agents of influence", but in the end it turned into just a presentation of household appliances. There he talked to two bloggers who write about food, and learned from them that mashed chickpeas taste like cookies. Buchinger decided to start his week-long experiment with a breakfast of chickpeas, milk, sugar, vanilla and cocoa.

When he got tired of kneading chickpeas, he went to bed and laid out a laptop and a fashion magazine on it, deciding that this was the "most instagrammable" place for such a strange breakfast. He posted a photo with the caption: "Breakfast in bed!" and tried what he got.

This time the blogger decided on a more difficult test. After having lunch at a restaurant, he asked his boyfriend Dominic to take a picture of what he was wearing today.

Buchinger recalled that many popular instagrammers do yoga — however, they do it not in order to relax. The columnist gave an example of signatures like "I was at a meeting, and then I ran home to do yoga" and wondered why not go home slowly and do breathing exercises along the way. Anyway, he decided to do yoga for 20 minutes himself.

On this day, Michael woke up at six in the morning, but waited a long time for his young man to wake up to pretend to be asleep and ask him to take a "casual" photo.

I realized that I've been living as a professional instagrammer for four days now, and I still haven't been invited to promotional events with other bloggers. I got angry and invited the most beautiful friends to a trendy bar for drinks and canapes. They didn't mind sharing a selfie, but when I suggested choosing a common hashtag for the party, they looked at me in surprise. So we split the bill and I went home to do yoga."

Besides, my photos of these moments are terrible — even wild monkeys would have shot better. Every time I try to shoot a beautiful composition from above, my hands start shaking. I have 52 pictures of smoothies in my phone, and now I constantly receive notifications that there is not enough space in my memory. However, the guy helps me a lot: I exploit him as an intern in a fashion magazine."

On the last day of the experiment, the blogger finally adapted to a new lifestyle: he woke up early, cooked a healthy breakfast and went for a run to post his photo in a tracksuit.

Finally, the columnist noted that the life of a professional instagrammer is not as simple as it seems, but life in general is not as easy as it is portrayed in Instagram.